The Phile's Tragic End
by Pessomantic
Summary: This is a short essay making fun of.. myself and those most like me. Take a chance, you might enjoy it.


Disclaimer: The show isn't mine, and neither are the characters.  
  
The Phile's Tragic End  
1/1/03  
  
The body was found by a janitorial worker in Roswell Public Library, upon his arrival at 0700 hours on New Years' Day. The original recorded position was a prone one, in which the victim was in a sitting position before one of the facility's computers, her head turned to the left and resting gently on the keyboard. Her hands were lying in typing position, leaning on the maple wood of the desk, from where the worker claimed he saw blood drip to the carpet. The worker was especially irritated at the carelessness of the woman to let her blood spill on the relatively new, cream carpeting. He attempted to call out, and receiving no response, touched the victim's hand to find it frigid and lifeless under his fingers. The description the janitor gave on the record portrayed the woman as smiling contentedly in death.  
Upon examination in the local morgue, uniquely regular calluses were found on the woman's fingertips, which acting pathologist Dr .Cassidy Spender surmised were the results of excessive typing. She was also found to have suffered poor eye condition due to inadequate moisture. Had she lived, blindness would have overcome her in a short span of several years. Permanent indentations were found on the undersides of her slashed wrists. It was found that the cavernous condition of flesh in that area was the result of her constantly resting her wrists on the table while tapping away at the keyboard.  
Cause of death was attributed to excessive blood loss. At the crime scene, two upright razor blades covered with victim's blood were found to have been stationed where the victim would have placed her wrists to type, in order to get additional support. Apparently the victim had veen so enraptured with the story onscreen that she did not notice as she slowly bled to death.  
  
1/3/03  
Victim was later identified as Mrs. Blanche O'Neill, 58. Having been happily married to a successful businessman, soaring in her career as neurologist at Mercy Health Center in Oklahoma, with 2.5 children, a golden retrieve named Bartholomew, and a vicious rabbit residing under her front porch, Blanche O'Neill appeared to have had a midlife crisis in 1995, when she was sufficiently infatuated with the world of fan fiction.  
It was in the March of 1995 that her life began to come down about her. Spending more and more time in blissful immersement in the fictional world of television, elaborated on by similarly dedicated writers, Mrs. O'Neill was sued three times in a period of one month, the charges malpractice. She was accused of causing severe pain and damage to a Ms. Penny Anne Hagopian, when she allegedly swiped a scalpel across the back of Ms. Hagopian's neck, incessantly insisting that she needed to remove the alien implant. She ended up pleading temporary insanity and was not sentenced. However, it was at this that Blanche ceased practicing medicine.  
What followed were, as she wrote in her online journal, 'the most joyful and surreal' years of her life. It was in this time period that she became a member of numerous fan fiction e-mail lists, clubs, organizations, and chat rooms. The more trite events of these years included her divorce, the elope of her daughter, suicide of her son, and the imprisonment of her half child, along with the sedation of Bartholomew. She was, however, described by her fellow Philes as jovial and intense, never straying from what she knew was her priority.  
  
1/6/03  
A suspect has been apprehended is being held for the murder of Blanche O'Neill. Apparently in the weeks before the incident, she was being electronically harassed by a woman by the name of Mary-Beth Carter, who was furious that Blanche had ended her piece in an unsatisfactory way. In the suspect's own words, "She killed them! She's the murderer! She killed Mulder and Scully! She's the one!" I am personally convinced that we have apprehended the true murderer.  
In addition, a webring of MSR fan fiction has been developed by Mrs. O'Neill's cyber loved ones in her memory. It currently has had 3 hits. 


End file.
